A Chance Encounter - CatRockWriter

Index

Early Childhood
Growing Up In Ecuador
Galapagos Islands
The Mainland
Back to Galapagos
Coming To America
Growing Up in America
An Adult in America
The Present
The Lessons

This book is a story of my life as a child, growing up in several cities in Ecuador and finally, spending a few years in the Island of Santa Cruz, l Islands. Then, one early morning, on my way to work, I had a one chance encounter: Meeting two people who would change my life radically for the better.

It’s about growing up in South America till I was 15 years old. Then, growing up in my teens, in a great town in America (Greenwich, CT) and ending up as a responsible adult with a great job, a family, and succeeding in achieving the American dream during my adult life.

You will see the early, small village existence of the 1960’s through the eyes of a child. The innocent, beautiful, yet raw slice of life and what it means to grow up poor in Latin America.

And, after that pivotal event, one chance encounter; that changed my life for the good and the inherent lessons for my future generations. What follows is a brief outline of what this book is about:

Early Childhood
1. I was born in a little town called Ibarra, in the middle of the Andes. This town is in the country of Ecuador in South America. My ancestors are descended from a mixture of Inca & Cara Indian and Spanish blood. I was born out of wedlock into a large, very Catholic family.
2. My earliest recollections are of living with my maternal grandfather in a little room behind the leather goods shop he owned. He was a hard working man, a leather goods artisan by trade, who barely subsisted on the profits of his trade. He made belts, pocketbooks, and briefcases and was a supplier to the local town police for belts & holsters. My uncle, his wife and their two children also lived in that one room. I slept with my grandfather while my uncle Fausto, my aunt Mila & their two children slept in the other bed. The kitchen was a section in the corner.
3. What is most vivid in my mind about this early period is the Sunday ritual. In a Catholic family, Sunday was always a special day. You dressed your Sunday best, you went to mass on Sunday morning, came home for a Sunday dinner, and you spent Sunday afternoon in an outing to the countryside with all members of the family. Sometimes, my Grandfather would take me to a soccer game; sometimes, he would take me to a “cantina” (pub) where he would meet his friends and they would chat for hours while I would sip lemonade and listen to their stories.
4. Uncle Fausto was a man who went through periods of hard drinking, he would disappear for weeks on end and no one would know where he was. Despair and failure in the end defeated Uncle Fausto. During a period of lucidity, he ended his own life leaving a young wife and two small children to grow up alone.
5. Another key incident that stands out from the period is me being raped by a stranger on a dark section of the Cathedral. This is something that I have hidden from everyone except my wife for all these years.
Growing up in Ecuador
1. Not wanted by either parent, I was shifted around to any member of my extended family that would take me. Consequently, I grew up in many households and as many towns in Ecuador.
2. My maternal grandfather, Felipe Gomez, raised me from 3-5 years old and again from 8-10 years old. He lived in a little town called Cuenca, nestled in the Andes, close to the border with Peru.
3. I attended a school run by the Christian Brothers. They were very strict and very religious. I remember two incidents that highlight the hard existence back then. Every morning, we were required to attend mass at 7:00 am before the school day commenced. Moreover, we were practicing for First Communion. We had to fast to receive communion and I always followed the rules. Every morning, I would make it to just before the offering of the host and I would faint of the hunger. Next thing I would be brought outdoors into the fresh air. One of the teachers had carried me to revive me. This happened a few times and the Brothers made a concession and let me skip Mass lest I disrupt the proceedings with my fainting spells.
4. Once, I did something wrong and my teacher smacked my head with his heavy key ring. My head opened and I started to bleed. I was sent home with a bleeding forehead and a note on what I had done wrong. Needless to say, my grandfather supported the teacher.
5. If you did not know your lessons and answered a question wrong, you had to stand in the corner studying your lessons, while your classmates went out to play during recess.
6. I also lived with my uncle, Gonzalo, his wife Sara and his large family during the 2^nd grade. I was seven years old at the time. He had thirteen children of varying ages and they all lived in Ambato, a small city in the Andes known for fruits and flowers during the springtime. It was fun to live with them and there were so many kids, one more did not matter. We had lots of freedom but also lots of chores to do. I was always willing and able to do my part, as it was my way of repaying a good deed. Relatives always commented on seeing me always bringing a hot meal to my uncle Gonzalo, who worked on a leather goods stand at the time. This during my lunch hour during a school day. My cousin Carlos and I also used to help his grandfather (his mother’s father) on Sundays to sell ice cream and refreshments at the soccer field. His grandfather would pay us a few coins for helping him out.
7. I lived with my mother when I was an infant and then when I was 4-6 years old. She worked in Quito as a live-in maid for three different American families during that time.
  1. I barely remember the first because I was so young. The main memory is of learning how to tie my shoes and the fact we had a maid’s room detached from the main house.
  2. The second family consisted of three young, American, professional, single girls living in a beautiful neighborhood in Quito. The main memory I have of that period is of getting my left hand bitten so badly by their dog that I was taken to the emergency room and the doctor put six or seven stitches on my hand. I was five years old.
  3. The third was a family with two kids, both girls. They left for Chicago and wanted to take my mother and me with them. But my mother found out she was pregnant and that changed the equation. They left and I was sent to live with my grandfather again while Mom struggled to make a living.
8. In addition, I lived with my paternal grandparents, my aunts and my uncles, anyone who would take me. I was not aware that my father was alive until the family decided to make him take me. I was ten years old at the time.
9. This is the first time my life took a momentous turn. I went to live with my father, Lucio. The expectation was that I would live with him until I became 18 years old. He didn’t want me and my stepmother, Guillermina, wanted me even less.
Galapagos Islands
1. My father was a schoolteacher, later school principal, who had a job teaching all six grades of the only school in Santa Cruz. When I first met him, he was living in Puerto Ayora with his wife and 3 young daughters. They had migrated with him to Santa Cruz and had a free apartment, in the school, as part of the assignment in Galapagos Islands.
2. I went to live with him, his second wife and their three children: Jacqueline, Lissette & Jeannette. My time there was spent pleasing my father, who ignored me; my stepmother, who hated me; my sisters who lorded over me.
3. My father lived at first behind the school in an apartment that was two rooms, the bedroom where he, his wife and their three children slept. The kitchen, where I slept at night. No bed, no mattress, no pillow. I would take newspapers and lay them on the floor; on top of them, I would lay a burlap sack as mattress and my tee shirt as a pillow. There were nights when the rats would come in and creep around me, as I lay sleeping on the floor.
4. I had responsibility for a lot of chores around the house. It seems I was referred as the servant for several weeks before I let it slip that I was a child from a previous marriage. Among the chores, these stand out.
  1. Carry water in two buckets on a wooden shoulder harness from the town well to the house. This entailed several trips in the morning before school and several trips after school. Enough to last the whole day long, for cooking, drinking, cleaning, washing, etc.
  2. Second, I would go the forest and forage for dried wood and carry it on my back to the house. Chop it into bits that could fit in the stove for cooking. First thing in the morning, I had to light the wood stove for making breakfast for everyone.
  3. Babysitting for the smaller children. Jeannette, when I arrived, two more children as time went on. It meant changing diapers, washing diapers, washing bottles, waking up in the middle of the night when they cried, etc. My schoolwork suffered but no matter, I was not one of the kids, I was the servant. I was entirely in charge of tending to the babies’ needs at night. This continued throughout my years spent in Galapagos.
5. The hard work and the lack of love would have driven anyone crazy. For a time it did drive me crazy. I ran away from home more times than I care to remember. But I remember one specific time that I ran away from home into the wild. I was gone for days. The first night I slept under the stars, with no sleeping bag or pillow, only the shirt on my back being used as a pillow. The sharp lava rocks as a bed. I cried all night and kept asking God why he had abandoned me. I was inches from jumping off the cliff to the sea below and finishing my life right there and then. But I valued my life too much and I cried myself to sleep while I despaired that my life would never change. The next two days, I survived on cactus fruits, leaves and salt water. I become very sick drinking salt water and was very weak when the police found me and brought me back. I faced my father and got beaten for running away. This was the millionth time I had run away only to be brought back by the local police.
6. Once I fled to the house of the local parish priest. He had a parish house in each community and visited them frequently. This time, he was there and offered shelter for a few days. After a few days, he returned to my town and he asked me to come back under his protection. Once we were back in the town, the priest and my father went to the local Mayor and judge to sort out the problem. Once in court, it was my word against my father’s. Obviously, the judge believed my father and returned me to my father’s house. I was beaten for embarrassing him in front of the local priest and the mayor of the town.
7. These were my formative years. I learned to be self-sufficient, hard working, and to rely on my wits. I read a lot, learned to appreciate the beauty around me, and dreamed of a better life when I reached maturity.
8. I was living in one of the most beautiful places in earth. The flora and fauna of Galapagos are very unique. One of the key places that enabled Charles Darwin to formulate his theory of Evolution of the Species and Natural Selection. The government of Ecuador had the foresight to protect the islands and the animals for future generations. I was fortunate enough to live there while I was kid.
The Mainland
1. I finished primary school and my Father didn’t know what to do with me. He opted for me to live with his parents. They lived in the town I was born in, Ibarra. I met them for the first time and also met all my aunts who still lived at home. I had a ready-made family, I thought.
2. During this period, I was an apprentice to a shoemaker and auto mechanic. I made a few cents a week, which I gave to my grandmother to save. She was a grand old dame, who went to church every morning at 5:00 am. She made sure that all her daughters and grandson, went to church every Sunday.
3. At the age of twelve I worked in a shoemaker’s shop. I learned to cut leather, fix shoes, put soles, cut rubber and deliver orders. I was paid very little for my efforts.
4. After six months I got another job. This time I was working in a garage and I started learning how to fix cars. The apprentices got the menial jobs and I ended up cleaning the messes, cleaning the shop, the cars, passing tools, etc. But I watched everything and I learned as I went along. Every night I would arrive home, black faced, full of grease and it would take me thirty minutes to clean up before I could eat supper.
5. My father arrived to visit one day and was waiting when I got home. He wanted me to go back to Galapagos with him. He promised that things would be better and that there was a job waiting for me, helping at a scientific station named after Charles Darwin. He convinced me and I returned to Galapagos.
Back to Galapagos
1. I loved my job at the Research station. The director was an Englishman named Roger Perry who was on assignment there. He was kind, a very proper Englishman who spoke Spanish flawlessly. He took an interest in me and ensured that I learned about the islands, the animals, plants and about science. In addition, there was a German operations director, A Dutchman who was the engineer, and several scientists who were on assignment there. A Dutchman, an American and a Russian. They all spoke Spanish in addition to their native language. From time to time, we had visiting scientists from all over the world that stayed for a time to study the animals and the plants in their natural habitat.
2. The home life had not improved. I still got to do a lot of chores and now that I was earning money, I had to pay rent and other things such as a cot, clothes, etc.
3. I would get up in the morning at 5:00 am and start the fire for breakfast. Do breakfast, get ready for work and be there by 7:00 am. Came home for lunch at 12:00 noon. Help with lunch for my five sisters; send the older ones back to school and return to work. Take care of the little ones when I came home at 5:00 pm. This was the routine everyday, day in and day out. I continued to be their servant and quickly realized why my father was so anxious for my return to Galapagos.
Coming to America
1. It was a chance encounter one early misty morning in July of 1969 that completely and irrevocably changed my life forever. The second time my life took a momentous turn. I was on my way to work and happened to pass a couple of American tourists struggling with the gate of their hotel. I was polite enough to open it for them. It happened that they were looking for a local kid to guide them during their stay. I was that kid and over the next few days, we formed a friendship. They asked me if I would like to come to America to visit them. I said yes and it was this offer, which later became a reality that changed my life.
2. The Hartley’s had to return before I was able to secure a visa. I had to spend two months in the city of Guayaquil waiting for a visa. The travel agent the Hartley’s had used in Guayaquil provided a place to stay while I waited. The Hartley’s made sure the Consulate provided the visa which came through in Mid September and by Sept 15, 1969 I was flying to New York’s JFK to start my new life in America.
3. Coming to America is the lifelong dream of every kid in the third world. It was mine as well. When it became a reality for me, I was dumbfounded. The first weekend I spent in New York City and it was a culture shock to see and hear the city at night. I could not sleep a wink that first night.
4. The train ride to Connecticut and the first car ride to my new home seemed to take forever. My new parents welcomed me with open arms.
5. I found myself living in the most affluent community in the USA. I didn’t speak a word of English, yet the Hartley’s enrolled me in school right away and in six months I had learned enough to be able to integrate into American life and become one of the regular kids going to school at North Mianus School in Greenwich, CT
Growing up in America
1. Elda & Irving Hartley, were two hard working people who had three sons and lived in Greenwich since the early 1940’s. They had raised their three sons, put them through college; two of them served in Vietnam. They had already left home by the time I came to live with the Hartley family. But their sons also welcomed me to their parents’ home when they met me.
2. Living in Greenwich, Connecticut was a privilege. Here I was a kid who grew up in poverty, unloved by his parents, tumbled around from relative to relative. Sometimes did not have enough to eat in the day. It was a sharp contrast to live in a house with my own bedroom, my own clothes, games, stereo, etc. I appreciated everything that my parents gave me. They received me with open arms, they enrolled me in school, introduced me to their neighbors and the kids in the neighborhood.
3. Living at the Hartleys, I had a second, happier childhood. When I came to America, I was a small fourteen year old, at 4 foot, eleven inches, 110 lbs., I was tiny; in six months, I was 5 foot, 5 inches and 145 lbs. I grew like a beanstalk. I made up for lost time.
4. I was an oddity at school for a time. English was a second language and I struggled to learn. My accent was thick and kids’ jokes went over my head. No matter, I was determined to learn, to fit in, to assimilate, to join the American dream.
5. Learning English was key to survival in America. I believed in assimilating into the culture, language and customs. I became an American teenager within months. Made friends with my schoolmates, went to parties, played sports, worked hard in school, made good grades and finished high school with my peers.
6. The Hartleys formally adopted me through her family court and as part of the process I got to pick my own first name. I chose David because it represented strength and seemed to fit me better than my original name of Oswaldo. I took their surname, Hartley, as my own. At home, I learned to work hard and gave back as much as I took from the Hartley’s. My father taught me how to use the vast arsenal of metal and wood working tools he had and how to run a film rental business. My mother taught me how to be creative, develop a storyboard to films, how to write a screenplay, how to cook, how to work in the garden. I worked in their film rental business after school everyday. At nights, after dinner, we would watch TV, I would do my homework, and play board games with my Dad and my Mom. My father loved to play darts and he was real good at it. It took all my concentration to be able to get good enough scores not be beaten every time. Sometimes, I would be good at it and beat my father. He was very supportive and would praise me. I think he just let me win, so I would be encouraged. He was great with his hands and had an extensive workshop in the basements of the house. I find that those early formative years at the Hartley’s really gave me a sense of purpose and a great background to being successful later in life. Because of them, I grew up ion a great town, finished high school, went to college and knew a lot about life and my place in it. Even now, I find myself quoting my father on technical aspects or knowing how to wire a house. My mother was more creative and spiritual and I have a vast well of knowledge about psychology, the environment, creating things, being in touch with my inner self because of her and her knowledge. We used to have long conversations about the meaning of life. No answers, just possibilities. All those skills stuck with me as I became an adult and they are still with me as I write the small story about being a son of the Hartley’s and growing up at 59 Cat Rock Road.
7. I finished high school by the time I was 18 years old. Applied to colleges, was not accepted to the ones I applied and ended up going to a local community college. I changed majors a few times while I struggled with what to do with my life. It looked like I was going to stay with my parents and become the deaf to heir of the Hartley Film Foundation. I was interested, worked hard with my jobs at the foundation and my parents were pleased with both my attitude and my dedication. My dad was pivotal in ensuring I knew what to do in the back end of the filmmaking business. He taught me the basics of recording, filming, lighting, and camera angles.
8. When I was 20 years old, I went back to Ecuador. Immigration wanted me to get a permanent visa and the only way was to go back to Ecuador. I returned to Quito and spent three months with my Mother and half brother and sisters. The first time I had seen my mother since I was ten years old, I was received with open arms and fit in no problem. But the more time I spent in Ecuador, the more I realized that I had grown away from the culture. I was a stranger among my people. Members of my family marveled about my English, my culture, but they did not understand me. I came back to America ready to embrace adult life.
9. I enrolled in Film school and expected to get a degree in filmmaking. I finished 2 years and was ready to continue and become a filmmaker. Once more, my life took another momentous turn.
An Adult in America
1. It was a film premier night at our house. My parents had finished another film. A select group of people were invited to the event. Among them was a young girl from Ireland who was a registered nurse and was nursing a family member of a friend of my mother’s. My mother was forever trying to fix me up with some girl or other. This night was no different. But once I met my future wife, I knew even back then that she was the right partner for me.
2. Two years later we were married. From the start, we were single minded about what was important and what was not. Like millions of others before us, we were two immigrants trying to make it in America.
3. I finished school, went to graduate school and got an MBA, got full time job. Both of us worked long hours and hard to save money to buy a house. My wife worked while she was pregnant and went back to work as soon as she could after delivery. Two kids, a girl, Elizabeth, and a boy, Kieran, later and our family is complete. We have saved enough money to expand our house and to invest for our kids and for our future. We have arrived and made it in America.
The Present
1. Right now, I sit here at night and tell my wife and kids stories from my youth. They love to hear them and never tire of them even if I repeat those stories. That gave me the idea of writing a book that would tell my life story as it happened. I’m a 45-year-old executive working for a Fortune 500 company in Stamford, Connecticut. I make a good living at it and I love my work. Never in my wildest dreams as a kid did I dream of being in this position. But it happened and I’m here to tell the story.
2. Roll forward to 2022 and my life is even better than I imagined. My first born is now a Mom. She is successful in her own right as a professional. She currently works for Washington Trust as a VP of Risk management and legal counsel. She is married and has 2 children. They are the apple of my eye. Bridget is 3 yeras old and ready for the world. She is starting kindergarten next September 2023. Nolan is my second grandchild and he is 2 years old. Another beautiful baby whom I love very much. He is currently the baby in the family. I’m so glad that my wife and I decided to retire here in East Greenwich, RI. We are close to my daughter and her family. Being a grandparent and our grandchildren being so close, allows us to see them a lot and to care for them. We are seeing them blossom before our eyes
3. Our son, Kieran is now living in sunny Southern California. He lives in Palos Verdes but works in Cerritos for a big hot shot law firm. He is a senior Associate and loves his job. He lives alone but I think he is married to his job and that is the way he likes it. E go out to see him quite often and he comes home for Christmas. But we talk just about every day.
4. My life has done full circle and is now complete.
The Lessons
1. The big lesson is that everything happens for a reason. Every turn in fortune, became the next leg in a journey to today. I believe that our lives are like the current in a big river. There are eddies which trap us for a while but the current moves us through life from beginning to end.
2. Second lesson is that it is better to give than receive. I never expected things to turn out the way they did. But I always gave without expecting and therefore I got back twofold.
3. I spend time with my kids and impart the wisdom that life has given me. It enters in one ear and out the other. But I believe they are internalizing a little bit and they will remember. This book is a way for me to tell my kids where I come from, and more importantly, where they come from. Heritage is a very important thing for the next generation.

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